The day I decided to LIVE 💙

Today, I decided to end it, once and for all. Yes! I decided to end my life and all the other hardships once and for all.

 I went into the kitchen and grabbed a sharp knife. I took the knife in my hand and was all ready to slit my wrist. As I progressed towards my room where I decided to take this final step, I had a bunch of thoughts that were running on my mind. I went into the room and shut the door, and took a deep breath. As I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the first thing I saw was my Mom and then my pet cat which left us just a month ago. Then I saw the person whom I love with all my heart, but that person doesn't even know my existence. I had a slight upwards curve at the edge of my lips.

 I had a thought then, of writing a letter so that they all - obviously my family members - could understand, or at least try to understand the reason behind the decision because that was the only thing I ever wanted from them. As I sat down to write, the only three words that came to my mind were; I AM SORRY. I knew the consequences that they would face after I take the big step in my life. I felt guilty for giving them the burden even after going. But; I convinced myself and left a note quoting; "I am the enemy of my life, taking this step for myself." I kept the letter under the vase on my drawing table and my heart started to skip a beat. My heart wasn't racing, but it wasn't beating either. One last time I closed my eyes and there was no one, just darkness.

 At that same moment, I had a thought which changed everything for me. I thought if I can take the knife in my hand, then why not my life? I thought if I can show such bravery towards death, then why not life? I thought if I anyways had no one on my mind at the last few moments of my life, then why not choose myself over others? 

I quickly dropped the knife and went to the mirror, stood in front of it, and had a slight upwards curve at the edge of my lips; this time it was out of peace and pride for choosing me instead of others. I realized that I was that one person who is going to be there forever. We all look out for that one forever person in our life, then why am I trying to kill that person? 

They say that the darkest moments of life change you the most and I couldn't agree more. That day, I decided to choose life over death, light over darkness, and myself over others. That day, I decided to say those three words; not I AM SORRY but I LOVE YOU to myself and to the people whom I love.

 You are the only person who will be there forever with you, so be loving to yourself. Every time I see the mirror, there is an ear-to-ear smile on my face, and this time it's the pride, peace, and love and not the one for hiding pain. 

We all look out for love, support, and that one forever person in our life; but, we forget that the person we seek for is none other than us. Never kill that one forever person in your life for the temporary ones. Choose to be the light of your life and not, enemy. Healing will reach you, once you choose to do so. ❤

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